One Rotten Oily Apple Doesn't Spoil the Canadian Barrel

I've been a little mean this year, calling names while raging against the "thievin' Canucks" at TransCanada (and some country-club Republicans) who think that the fact that their pipeline will produce more tax dollars than alfalfa or corn entitles them to take South Dakota land through eminent domain.

As penance, and in the spirit of the holidays, I present my list of Eleven Great Things About Canada!

Universal Health Care. Canadians aren't nearly as overtly religious or even as rich as their southern neighbors, but somehow they find it in their hearts and wallets to pay for each others' medical bills... and even those of foreign visitors. A number of our American friends have been visiting in Canada, had an owie, and gotten fixed up in the Canadian hospital, no paperwork, no bill. Mighty nice folks, those Canadians. Their health care system isn't perfect, but it beats the pants off ours.

Feist -- "1 2 3 4." Kid-tested, Mom- and Dad-approved: All three members of the Madville Times household love Feist -- born Amherst, Nova Scotia, has lived in Regina, Calgary, and Toronto -- her music, and the whimsy (I hope she won't mind that term) of her videos, especially this one. No hoochie-mama outfits, no crass sexualization, just a bunch of artists having a lot of fun with music and dance. That's what pop music is supposed to be. (And if I were directing one-act this year, we'd be staging some version of this video, guaranteed.)



Edmonton, Alberta. I lived in this fine city for a year and a half. I bicycled to class on snow-packed streets through two straight weeks of -40 (Celsius and Fahrenheit) temperatures. I loved every moment. Even in that cold weather, people still got out to cross-country ski and jog. The prevailing Edmontonian philosophy seemed to be, "Life's too short to sit inside all day." And with tree-lined neighborhoods, great bike trails, and the majestic North Saskatchewan River valley, who'd want to stay inside? And of course, even you don't like the outdoors, there's the biggest mall in the world, the West Edmonton Mall. (Canadians can beat us at health care and crass consumerism, when they set their minds to it.)

Barenaked Ladies. Show me an American band this fun. Every first day of school, watching the new freshmen amble anxiously down the hall, I would sing to myself, "This is me in grade 9, baby." And the classic "If I Had a Million Dollars" -- K-Cars and Dijon ketchup indeed... but not a real green dress, that's cruel! Oh! And that reminds me:

Kraft Dinner. Not mac and cheese -- it's dinner. And let's not forget the 2 kilo bags of pirogies at the grocery store. Mmmm.

Prince Edward Island. Not just for Anne of Green Gables (her house is there -- really!) should one visit this beautiful little island. Cross the huge (12.9 km) Confederation Bridge. Go on Canada Day: swim at the beaches, see fireworks in Summerside, and visit Charlottetown, the "Birthplace of Confederation." By the way, compare the difference in national origins: We American colonists got mad at King George and Parliament, picked up our guns, and started shooting people to gain independence. The Canadian colonists stuck with Britain, gave us a whoopin' in 1812 (they'll mention that if you visit), and waited until 1864, when they had a nice meeting with the Crown in Charlottetown and said, "Say, what would you think of us maybe becoming a separate country, eh?" All they had to do was ask politely.

Kids in the Hall. Funnier, sharper, and weirder than SNL in the good years.

The Québécois French Accent. After a few months of listening to Jean Chrétien on the news, my French accent morphed into that slightly growlier frontier French spoken by the rough-and-ready settlers of the New World. (And you know, I get the impression that in Canada, the people can keep their politicians a little closer to them.)

William Shatner. Another Quebecker! Captain Kirk, born in Iowa, embodiment of the space cowboy, central character in the mythos pillar of my worldview -- brought to life by a Shakespearean-trained Canadian (all great captains know Shakespeare). It takes a Canadian -- close neighbor, yet outsider -- to fully grasp the American swagger and write it large across the galaxy.

CKUA. South Dakota Public Radio is getting better. They can dream of being as good as CKUA, the finest radio station in the world. CKUA started broadcasting in 1927. Financial rapscallionery knocked the station off the air for five weeks in spring 1997, but a huge public outpouring of support put the station back on the air and raised one million dollars in two weeks to keep it alive. You want to broaden your musical horizons? You want to hear DJs who play music they know and care about?

My friend Megan, to whom I happily dedicate this ode to Canada. She gave me a splendid tour of Nova Scotia and PEI, including Lunenberg, Peggy's Cove (see photo), Cape Split, and the biggest personified blueberry in the world. She flew all the way to South Dakota just to be in charge of the guest book at Erin's and my wedding. She still sends me news, family photos, and e-Christmas cards from the Atlantic. And she loves her country as much as I love mine. Thank you, Megan!

Now, if we could just get Megan and her friends to arrange a domestic boycott of TransCanada... ;-)