Wish List -- Top Ten Stories of 2008

It's always more fun to look ahead than look back. Looking ahead also means you're also less likely to bump into stuff. And while my wish list for 2007 went mostly unfulfilled, hope springs eternal. Here are the top ten stories I hope The Madville Times can bring you in 2008:

10. Lake Herman Sanitary District Dissolves
--says board member CA Heidelberger, "Folks realized they were being taxed for no good reason. Septic tanks cost less, process waste just as well as centralized systems, have no moving parts to fail and flood everyone's basement with sewage, and don't require eminent domain. Taxpayers, your rebate checks are in the mail."
--In a related story, high bacteria levels are traced to feedlots and fertilizer spreads outside the boundaries of the now-dissolved district.

9. Madison Hires Local Consultants for All Economic Development Projects
--says Mayor Hexom, "We've been wasting thousands of dollars on outside consultants. Then we thought, Who knows our town, our strengths, our weaknesses, and our needs better than the people who live here?"

8. Dems Win Two-Seat Majority in SD Senate, One Seat Shy in House
--"It was all those secular humanist Kucinich voters!" cries deposed legislator Roger Hunt. "What am I going to tell Sanf-- I mean, my anonymous donors?"
--Senate Majority Leader Scott Heidepriem reacts with cautious optimism: "No one's going to be able to railroad anything through this legislature. We're really going to have to communicate and compromise to get things done. But then that's what politics is about."
--Senate Minority Leader Dave Knudson actually sounds relieved: "We could have destroyed ourselves like the national party [see #6 below]. Instead, Pat Powers helped us keep our cool, focus on practical policy, and keep at least one house. But we have a lot of work to do."

7. Madison Central Revamps Schedule, Tech Policy
--says MHS Principal Sharon Knowlton, pointing to an elaborate flow chart, "One 50-minute elective semester-long class period at the start of the school day, then two 100-minute block classes for nine-week intensive courses, then lunch, then three more 50-minute semester classes. And no more state laptops; the kids and teachers almost all have their own computers anyway. We putting the money in teacher pay."
--In related news, band enrollment triples, and the Spirit of Madison Marching Band wins three straight marching competitions.

6. Kucinich Wins Clean Majority over Fractured Republican Party
--"It was my friends from South Dakota who made this possible," said an ebullient President-Elect Kucinich, handing out tofu-kiolbasa to his jubilant supporters at a victory party in Cleveland. "Their delegates to the convention led the charge to break the deadlock between the corporate candidates and win me the nomination. I look forward to sending Vice-President Epp to visit the Dalai Lama for some spiritual guidance for our first hundred days. I also look forward to reaching out to the minority coalition of Dobson-Whigs, Paul-Libs, and the six Republicans left in Congress to forward an agenda to serve all Americans."

5. Governor Rounds Rewrites 2010 Initiative, Vows Energy and Food Independence
--"With all this wind power potential, it's just silly to import coal and oil, even from Canada," says Governor Rounds, signing legislation ordering the immediate construction of 10,000 wind turbines, as well as the development of electric cars and tractors. The legislation also includes the Olson Amendment to break up corporate farms and establish CSAs to provide 100% of the food needs of every community in South Dakota. "Thanks to global warming," says Rounds, "we'll be able to grow our own oranges and bananas year round!"

4. Abstinence Clearinghouse Closes Doors; Unruh Declares Bankruptcy
--Wails Leslee Unruh post-election day, "How can I support myself with a Kucinich Administration committed to comprehensive sexual education based on science instead of my wishful thinking? Don't they know I have Escalade payments to make?"

3. Madison Media Flourish as Blogs Proliferate
--says Madison Daily Leader publisher Jon Hunter, "The Madville Times alone drives 20,000 readers a day to our website. Our exclusive columns from American Consumer News and Prairie Roots have tripled regional subscriptions." KJAM's new general manager Matt Groce reports cross-promotion in the burgeoning Madison microblogosphere, along with the station's revolutionary format change, has increased KJAM netcast listenership 20,000%. "Let Heidelberger fret about our spelling all he wants," says Groce. "Every time he calls our grammar, our server load goes up 30%."

2. New High-Speed Network Promotes Pajama Workforce, Family Values
--"Everyone's telecommuting!" says an amazed South Dakota Secretary of Labor Pamela Roberts. "The governor plugged in the network, and everyone realized they could work from home. Teachers and students do everything by distance learning, so there are no more snow days. Farmers run their tractors with a mouse. There's even some guy in Madison who figured out how to paint houses with a laptop."
--"I was wrong," Steve Sibson posts this morning. "I thought the High-Speed REED was just a plutocratic plot for Governor Rounds and Cory Heidelberger to get rich from. Instead, it's allowed thousands of South Dakota entrepreneurs to start independent online businesses, improve their local economies, and spend more time at home raising their kids with good Christian values. Go figure."

1. Lange Breaks Ground on Rural Life Center
--"Windmills, organic farming demonstration plots, cabins for scholars and artists on retreat -- Lake Herman's the perfect place!" says Gerry Lange of his plan to convert his farmstead into a 400-acre international center for rural studies.
--"I keep telling Gerry he should just retire and take it easy," says Alice Lange, "but he's got at least 20 good years left in him, and he's determined to keep giving back to South Dakota. There's no stopping a visionary."