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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Cory Heidelberger Available for Public Speaking Engagements

More Bang, Less Buck Than Sarah Palin!

Far be it from me to criticize an unemployed person for hustling for a buck. Since quitting her job last summer, Sarah Palin has been working hard to put caribou on the table for her family by speaking everywhere and anywhere that will pony up the five to six figures she demands.

But celebrity has apparently gone to Palin's head. In California, Attorney General Jerry Brown is investigating allegations that the Stanislaus Foundation of California State University violated public meeting laws in keeping secret a speaking contract with Palin for an upcoming June event. CSU students have provided Brown with contract pages the students retrieved from campus trash. Among Palin's purported demands:
  • First-class airfare from Anchorage to California or private jet that "MUST BE a Lear 60 or larger...."
  • Deluxe hotel accommodations, suite plus two single rooms.
  • Lectern stocked with two water bottles and bendable straws.
As a good capitalist, I believe in turning an honest dollar for honest work, in earning one's keep by producing a quality product.

My fellow Americans, in this time of economic belt-tightening, I offer you a value alternative. If you need a speaker for your conference, convention, teacher in-service, company picnic, bar mitzvah, you name it, I'm your guy. I can deliver a boffo speech on blogging, Internet trends, social media, regular media, education, the First Amendment, communication skills, rural economic development... heck, even South Dakota politics! I also guarantee free-wheeling, spontaneous, no-holds-barred Q&A sessions afterward. My speeches will be much more about promoting open civic conversation, not parroting things you've already heard from talk-radio.

And what do I charge? Since I consider it a privilege to be invited to speak anywhere, you'll find my rates and conditions much more reasonable than any celebrity speaker:
  • Fees: If you're handing out money, don't let me stop you. But in general, take Sarah Palin's fee, divide by 100, and we may still negotiate down from there.
  • Travel: Cover my mileage; I'll drive my own car.
  • Lodging: Super 8 (or cheaper local alternative!) with Wi-Fi (free breakfast preferred, but not essential).
  • Water: I can usually make it an hour without a drink. If not, I'll bring my own cup.
And I guarantee a more original, engaging, and grammatical speech than Sarah Palin (compare her appearance at the Wine and Spirits Wholesalers of America in Vegas), or your money back!

Come see a sample of what I can bring to your podium next week at South Dakota's first Ignite talk. I'll be participating in the inaugural IgniteSD event at Cottonwood Bistro in Brookings on Wednesday, April 21, 8 p.m.

Why spend more? Call now! There's only one of me, so supplies are limited!


  1. Cory,

    I'll chip in by being your music opener and do a few tunes, perhaps something by Kinky Friedman to get the mood right, just before your spiel. Or maybe I won't play, whatever gets you the gig!

  2. Word is that Ms Palin has made upwards of 8 figures since leaving the Governorship so anyone that is still claiming that her reason for quitting was anything other than padding the ole bank account is delusional.

    Palin has discovered that pandering to the disenchanted has its perks and as the Glenn Becks and Rush Limbaughs before her have found, it has rarely ever been so profitable.

    You do have to admire her though, how many other people can charge what she does to speak to groups about being fiscally responsible?

  3. Sarah Barracuda (BF)4/15/2010 10:06 AM

    We'll yer gonna need ta git a couple a shiny red leather jacket, there big fella.

    And maybe a shave, ya know?

    By the way, how is that itchy'scratchy thing workin' out for ya?

  4. Sarah Palin demands bendable drinking straws? Outrageous!

  5. It's the bottled water that will destroy the planet.

    Rick, polish your tap shoes. Or maybe you can play bongos to my Shatner beat.

    Now where are those job offers?!

  6. Here's a topic for your next speaking engagement, Cory.

    Make of it what you will.

    No wonder the nation is in such a financial pickle. Our government does indeed comprise the people; but we, the people, too often work against our best interests.

    As the raindrop goeth, so goeth the storm.

  7. Mortgage defaults driving consumer spending... well, can we bright side it and say at least people are paying off some of their bills? Thanks for the link, Stan!

  8. Stan . I also took a gander at your link. While the case study offered in the piece shows definite irresponsibility, to say the least, one could assume that the wider group is probably doing what is in their own self interest. If one was under water on their home, and planning on walking away , it would make perfect sense to pay other bills and expenses first, while you had a free place to live for a couple of years. Of course none of this bodes well.


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