Far be it from me to criticize an unemployed person for hustling for a buck. Since quitting her job last summer, Sarah Palin has been working hard to put caribou on the table for her family by speaking everywhere and anywhere that will pony up the five to six figures she demands.
But celebrity has apparently gone to Palin's head. In California, Attorney General Jerry Brown is investigating allegations that the Stanislaus Foundation of California State University violated public meeting laws in keeping secret a speaking contract with Palin for an upcoming June event. CSU students have provided Brown with contract pages the students retrieved from campus trash. Among Palin's purported demands:
- First-class airfare from Anchorage to California or private jet that "MUST BE a Lear 60 or larger...."
- Deluxe hotel accommodations, suite plus two single rooms.
- Lectern stocked with two water bottles and bendable straws.
My fellow Americans, in this time of economic belt-tightening, I offer you a value alternative. If you need a speaker for your conference, convention, teacher in-service, company picnic, bar mitzvah, you name it, I'm your guy. I can deliver a boffo speech on blogging, Internet trends, social media, regular media, education, the First Amendment, communication skills, rural economic development... heck, even South Dakota politics! I also guarantee free-wheeling, spontaneous, no-holds-barred Q&A sessions afterward. My speeches will be much more about promoting open civic conversation, not parroting things you've already heard from talk-radio.
And what do I charge? Since I consider it a privilege to be invited to speak anywhere, you'll find my rates and conditions much more reasonable than any celebrity speaker:
- Fees: If you're handing out money, don't let me stop you. But in general, take Sarah Palin's fee, divide by 100, and we may still negotiate down from there.
- Travel: Cover my mileage; I'll drive my own car.
- Lodging: Super 8 (or cheaper local alternative!) with Wi-Fi (free breakfast preferred, but not essential).
- Water: I can usually make it an hour without a drink. If not, I'll bring my own cup.
Come see a sample of what I can bring to your podium next week at South Dakota's first Ignite talk. I'll be participating in the inaugural IgniteSD event at Cottonwood Bistro in Brookings on Wednesday, April 21, 8 p.m.
Why spend more? Call now! There's only one of me, so supplies are limited!