Ron Paul Is Right: Get TSA out of Our Pants!

Congressman Ron Paul is leading the Tea Party to the airport... and I'm going with him. The best libertarian in Congress is saying enough is enough when it comes to the daily sexaul harassment of innocent Americans at airports across the country. Rep. Paul is sponsoring HR 6416 to deny immunity to TSA employees for their pointless groping of citizens. Watch his statement from the House floor, last night, November 17:



I have not flown since October 2000. I got hot with an airport lackey back in 1995 just because he asked me to remove my belt. I honestly believe that if some poor yokel in a uniform at Joe Foss Field ran his hands over my wife or my daughter, I would say something that would get me arrested. Or I'd just deck him. (The clicking sound you hear is Cory Allen Heidelberger being typed into the TSA watchlist.)

Ron Paul is right. So's Bob Ellis. Uncle Sam, you can have a hand in my pocket, but not in my pants. The lame-duck Congress should pass HR 6416 before Thanksgiving, restore the Frouth Amendment, and reel back and retool airport security.

Naked and Nuked: Airport Scanners May Increase Cancer Risk

Conservative friends, Gordon Howie followers, and other wingnuts, if you want to foment anti-government paranoia, then froth up over this one: the Transportation Security Administration may be giving you cancer. It's bad enough the federal government wants to electronically strip you naked at the airport; now scientists at university of California San Francisco say full-body scanners may hit travelers with enough X-rays to "increase the risk of cancer and other health problems, particularly among older travelers, pregnant women and people with weak immune systems."

But why worry? Homeland Security's chief medical officer Alexander Garza says he feels perfectly comfortable nuking his family in the scanners, so so should you, right?

Of course, TSA and other experts will tell you that you get the same dose of radiation from a full-body scanner as you do from two minutes up in the air. (And what do you think that phone in your pocket is doing to your groinal region all day?) But you choose to nuke yourself by flying. The full-body scanners are the government choosing to nuke you against your will, and that's not right, right?

Come on, Tea Party, this could be your next big issue, one that could really get traction, like fears of vaccines causing autism. Latch on, fight the scanners!

Top Ten Stories of 2010: A Madville Times Wishlist (Part I)

Senator Snowe doesn't want to dwell on history, so why not look ahead with hope and aspiration? Here are the top ten stories of 2010. Don't confuse these headlines with predictions—in three previous tries, I have yet to pick a winner... although that's never stopped me before! These are just the ten best stories I hope I'll get to report on the Madville Times in the bright, bouncy new year.

1

Highway 34 Four-Lane Campaign Buys Masons' Building: "Build it and they will come," said campaign organizer John Goeman of Four for the Future members' decision to buy the Madison landmark. "We're sick of begging for federal money to build more road to Madison. We're going build something to give people a reason to come to Madison." Goeman and his colleagues have formed a non-profit corporation and hired local carpenters and artists to turn the old Masonic temple into a cooperative coffee house, gallery, meeting hall, and movie theater.

2

TSA Officers Work Naked: "I wasn't trying to start a revolution," said Chicago airport security agent Ralph Jablonski. "I just tell this lady to step into the body scanner, and she says, 'You show me yours and I'll show you mine.' So I says o.k., I drop my pants, and the lady steps right into the scanner, no questions asked. Pretty soon everybody in the airport's droppin' their drawers." Jablonski's initiative was so effective at improving customer satisfaction and trust, President Obama soon mandated nudity for all TSA staff. This new government transparency has inspired passengers to fly naked and made security a breeze.

3

Fahrenwald Named MadChestRut Superintendent: Following the resignations of their superintendents, Madison and Chester school districts both realized they could get along without a superintendent. "We farmed out duties to the principals and business manager, and no one noticed a difference," said Madison board president Jay Niedert. Madison and Chester then pursued further cost savings by taking up an offer from the Rutland school district: the two school districts dissolved and merged with the Rutland School District. Rutland Superintendent Carl Fahrenwald will run the new district, which spans three-quarters of Lake County. Madison residents responded with cautious approval: "Maybe now we'll win some football games," said former coach Tom Milne.

4

Jason Bjorklund Places Third in County Commission Race: Local 9-12 Project activist Jason Bjorklund came within two votes of winning a Lake County Commission seat in the November 2 election. Bjorklund's third-place finish was the closest any Glenn Beck/Tea Party candidate came to actually winning elected office on any South Dakota ballot. "I love politics!" said Bjorklund, vowing to run again. "I just need to keep improving my public speaking skills. I also need to remember that real county politics are about fixing roads and hiring good cops, not banning the Federal Reserve and preaching Natural Law."

5

Heidepriem Names Munsterman Economic Development Czar: After a literally bruising gubernatorial race that saw primary season fistfights and independent challengers splintering the state Republican Party, Governor-Elect Scott Heidepriem announced the olive-branch appointment of his main challenger, Scott Munsterman, as state economic development czar. "Scott knows South Dakota's future depends on promoting growth through cooperation in our rural communities," said Heidepriem. "Plus, the economic portfolio will keep Scott away from his nutty fundagelical friends in the all-abortion-all-the-time crowd."

...read on: here's the second half of the Top Ten Stories of 2010!

False Alarm in Tea; Hysteria Threatens Gun Rights

...at least that's the headline I was expecting.

Some guy in Tea exercises his Second Amendment right to stroll down the street with his shootin' iron. The tip line goes crazy, the school district goes into lockdown, the police "sweep through all three schools... and look for anything suspicious" before someone figures out the guy (the suspect, the threat, the potential terrorist?) was just one of thousands of God-fearing, camo-and-ammo-wearing South Dakotans getting ready for hunting season.

And not one news outlet mentions the phrase "false alarm." KELO celebrates this exercise in warrantless searches as "Practice in Lockdown Policy." Superintendent Jerry Schutz says the unnecessary disruption and panic for parents made him feel even more comfortable about Tea's wonderful security policies. Declaring mini-martial law when not a single law has been broken is apparently so fun, the school continued to limit access to the building even after the lockdown.

I am able to find one commentator, USD student Chris May, who sees something other than a fruitful exercise in school safety here. He's troubled by the media and the culture of fear:

What I find troubling is that is that a man was seen with a gun and instantly everyone is scared. What has the media done to us? Seriously!? I remember stories from my dad about how they could keep guns locked in their vehicles. Has the biased, reactive, media made society think this negatively about a man simply carying a gun near his house? Moreover, to think so negatively about it that not only was the closest school put on lock down but also the remaining schools in town? Did the events of Columbine, Virginia Tech, and other school shootings and the lack of recognition of all of the days without school shootings make our reaction this severe?...

As a society we are accustomed to reacting to, mainly, the bad events without giving much notice to the good events. When we mold into this reactionary behavior we begin to impose more rules and proceedures for the sake of an "unreasonable sense of insecurity." I hope when I have kids and send them off to school that a whole city doesn't get shut down because I happen to have my garage door open and a gun visisble [Chris May, "The Power of Media," IdEA 310 Chris May's Class Blog, 2009.09.25].

Indeed, when I went to class at DSU Wednesday, I parked behind a truck with two guns in the rack. No campus lockdown that day.

If I put on my wingnut shoes (I do keep a pair around), I could see in Tea's "security measures" fascism unbridled—children locked in, parents locked out, police on full alert conducting warrantless searches, and everyone smiling and saying, "Great work, team!" when it turns out there was no reason to conduct those actions in the first place. I would think such actions would constitute a greater, more concrete threat to liberty than anything passed in Washington during the last eight months.

The conservatives around Sioux Falls (including some legislators?! I so want names) will line up to tremble before Orly Taitz's delusions of a fake birth certificate. But they ignore a police lockdown triggered by one man's lawful behavior.

What am I missing here?

EMP Threat: Keep Garden and Fishing Tackle Handy!

As the Bush Administration continues talks to lift sanctions and provide international aid to nuclear-capable terrorism sponsor North Korea, Saturday's Wall Street Journal reminds us of one more thing to worry about: the EMP threat. EMP—that's electromagnetic pulse, a fun little side effect of a nuclear detonation. Basically, set off a nuclear weapon way up high (like suborbital/low-orbit high, ballistic missile high), and you won't knock over any buildings or give anyone radiation poisoning. But the explosion will generate a power surge that will fry every electronic device in sight. Cell phones, computers, refrigerators, 99% of cars on the road today, maybe the entire electric grid—kaput!

I remember learning about EMP effects watching The Day After back in 1983, when Steve Guttenberg couldn't get a car to start after Kansas City got nuked. ABC gave EMP the dramatic treatment again in 1987's Amerika, in which the Soviets get the drop on us by setting off just four stratospheric nuclear blasts that EMP us into surrender.

So anyone care to speculate which Presidential candidate is more inclined to develop a program along the recommendations of a government commission's 2004 report (PDF alert) on deterring rogue nuclear attacks, "hardening" critical electronic systems, and putting together a restoration for the national power and communication grids? Obama and McCain both support missile defense, but I don't see EMP addressed.

In the meantime, try not to get too dependent on that Blackberry, and keep an eye on good fishing holes.

The Scourge of Unsuitable Semicolons: Sunday Grammar Check

I guess summer really does make the kids forget their grammar. As I peruse the agenda packet for the August 11 Madison City Commission meeting (PDF alert!), I find an outbreak of improperly used semicolons.

Long-time school board member (and potential wind power magnate?) Rod Goeman erroneously* punctuates the salutation of his letter to the City Commission (agenda packet, p. 4) with a semicolon instead of a proper colon:


Brookings Mayor Scott Munsterman gives his potential opponents in the 2010 gubernatorial race some grammatical ammo by committing the same error in his letter (p. 11) to Madison Mayor Gene Hexom:



Who will save us from this semicolonic cataclysm? Trust the Department of Homeland Security—FEMA!—to set things straight (agenda packet, p. 6):


If FEMA can do it, so can you.

Remember, there are only two situations where you ever use a semicolon: joining related independent clauses, and separating items in a complicated list. Anywhere else you feel the colon urge, especially at the end of a greeting in a formal letter, go full colon.

---------------
Update 09:45 CDT -- Semicolons Part Deux:

Reviewing Mayor Munsterman's blog, I find further egregious semicolon abuse:

"Teacher Shortages Are Not the Real Issue...," 2008.07.30:

"The Real Problem," 2008.08.04:


"Education Is Not a Destination, It Is a Process,"2008.08.07:

I appreciate Mayor Munsterman's regular attention to education on his blog. With some review and practice of semicolon rules, he should be able to count on the grammarian vote. ;-)

--------------
*Update 11:02 CDT: See comments #1-2 below.

No Fourth Amendment for Laptops: US Customs Can Seize Computers at Will

...wherein Osama bin Laden scores another victory against global commerce and freedom...

If you're planning to blog your international vacation, you might want to plan on using the Internet cafés of Paris and Mumbai: Homeland Security has empowered U.S. Customs and Border Protection to seize, inspect, and keep your electronic devices at the border. No probable cause, no reasonable suspicion, just the whim of the lackey standing between you and your flight to Finland... or your permission to re-enter the U.S.A.

This is no new policy: Homeland Security has apparently been practicing this further breach of the Fourth and Fifth Amendments for years; they only just made it public in a July 16 document.

The Electronic Frontier Foundation offers some advice on keeping your data safe, but really, if you're traveling overseas, Uncle Sam can take your laptop, your iPhone, and your flash drive and never give them back. Better leave all your mission-critical data at home... just what every technoentrepreneur wants to hear.

Homeland Security to Deport DeSmet Priest

"Committed to keeping America for Americans" -- Dr. Charles Lyonel Gonyo, Republican Candidate for Senate

Local media man Matt Hendrickson draws my attention to this story of Homeland Security and immigration policy gone haywire: Father Cathal Gallagher of DeSmet, a Catholic priest and Irish citizen who has served three churches in Kingsbury County for over ten years, faces deportation. The Catholic Diocese of Sioux Falls put in an application for permanent residency for the good father back in 2001. The immigration branch of Homeland Security actually approved the application two years later, but since then some "technical error" has taken place, and Uncle Sam is giving Father Gallagher the boot.

Not only can't the Bush Administration catch Osama bin Laden, they can't even keep the paperwork straight on a Catholic priest doing the Lord's work in South Dakota. Good grief.

Father Gallagher has the support of his parishioners: they've set up a website -- HelpFather.com -- that tells his story. After 23 years of service in Japan (the feds must think he became an operative for Aum Shinrikyo), Father Gallagher came to the windy prairies at the personal request of Bishop Carlson, and what was supposed to be just a brief stay turned into a decade of deeply appreciated service.

Now Father Gallagher suffers from no entitlement complex. He knows rules are rules. As he tells KSFY:

I have no right to live in this country. It's your country. I depend on your graciousness and goodness of your government to allow me to live in this country [quoted by Caitlin Haedicke, "DeSmet Catholic Priest Forced to Leave U.S.," KSFY.com, 2008.05.27].

Good Catholics all, Father Gallagher's parishioners aren't going to sit around and wait for grace from the bureaucracy; they're going to save Father Gallagher by works. Says Matt H. at KJAM:

It's funny. My aunt Patty and her family go to St. Thomas and when Father Gallagher said what was happening he said it was "God's Will." Before he left the station today, I grabbed his hand and said, "Father, God's will is also having friends and people who are willing to fight for you" [Matt Hendrickson, personal e-mail, 2008.05.27].

Father Gallagher's flock are praying and tying green ribbons around the trees in DeSmet. They're also collecting signatures online (yes, go sign now), calling our elected officials, and trying to get the word out to as many people as possible about our government's bungling.

12 million people working here illegally for unpatriotic businesses who don't want to pay full wages, and our government concentrates on deporting an Irish Catholic priest? This is big government (brought to you by the Bush Republicans) at its worst.

p.s.: I lay even odds that Bob Ellis posts something about Father Gallagher's deportation as evidence of the ongoing war on Christianity.