Qwest Fails to Fix Phantom Rings

Yeah, Ed, I'm talking to you. If you're done destroying your employees' morale, fix my #*¢$!^& phone!

I thought we had this problem licked. Alas, no. Here's the e-mail I just sent to the good people at the South Dakota Public Utilities Commission, who have tried in good faith to get Qwest to stop ringing my phone after midnight:

Dear Public Utilities Commission:

I regret that I must trouble you again. However, Qwest has failed to fulfill its statement that the problem of the phantom rings on my phone had been addressed by a repair test at the beginning of November. Ten minutes ago, at about 12:26 a.m. our corded phone emitted yet another phantom half-ring.

The problem now is not so much the annoyance as Qwest's consistent failure, over multiple years, to fulfill a simple request to remove the annoyance. I will contact the Qwest technician spoke with me and left a number on November 4. If there is any attention you can direct toward this matter (again), I will appreciate said assistance. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Cory Allen Heidelberger

Now, if anyone has the home phone number of Qwest CEO Edward A. Mueller, I'll be much obliged. The Muellers moved this summer, so don't send me the number their old multi-million-dollar country club mansion.

PUC Johnson Reads Blog, Gives Qwest What-For

My blog just earned its pay for the month... and so did Dusty Johnson!

Yesterday morning I vented about Qwest's inability or unwillingness to fix the midnight phantom ring on my phone. Yesterday afternoon, the phone rang. It was no phantom: it was Public Utilities Commissioner Dusty Johnson. I was out, but Commissioner Johnson told my wife the PUC had contacted Qwest and asked them to discontinue the test line to my house.

My wife and I stayed up late last night. No phantom ring.

One night is not proof—we've called Qwest previously, gotten assurances, then had the phantom rings return weeks or months later—but I called the PUC back this morning to thank Commissioner Johnson. That the Commissioner would take this action, without my even contacting him directly, demonstrates a sincere commitment to listening to and serving the public.

I'll still be voting Saturday to nominate John Zaiko (if he's still in!) to run against Dusty Johnson for PUC. But for now... keep up the good work, Dusty.

Qwest Rant: Stop Ringing My Phone After Midnight

Do any other Qwest customers get the phantom half-ring between midnight and 1 a.m.? We have had this problem here at Lake Herman for several years. Last night, we were up late chatting when our phone gave one crisp half-ring. No further ring, no one on the line, just a single truncated ring, happening on our old phone and new phone alike.

Now the sound of a phone ringing in the middle of the night is fraught with doom. A midnight call means either disaster or prankster; either way, we are conditioned to respond with a surge of fight-or-flee adrenaline.

In our case, we've learned our choice is to fight or flee Qwest. We have called numerous times to ask them to fix the problem. The closest thing to a logical explanation Qwest's operators have offered is that the half-ring is a side effect of the scheduled line tests they automatically conduct in the middle of the night to make sure our phone is working. Evidently the voltage the phone company uses is enough to set off the ringer.

We've asked Qwest to fix it. Their reps have told us they'd fix it. They never have. I've told the Qwest rep they are welcome to not check whether our phone is working, vowing that, really, if our phone isn't working, we'll run over to the neighbors' and let Qwest know we have a problem... in the morning.

We found this noise particularly exasperating when our Divine Miss K was a little baby learning to sleep through the night. Any little midnight noise could rouse her for a gloomy session of crying and rocking. Thank you, Qwest, for testing our parenting ability.

Our little one sleeps more soundly now (last night's thunderstorm didn't even rouse her!). Yet the phantom ring remains a mild annoyance. But even more annoying than the unwanted noise intruding on our house in the middle of the night is the runaround we get from Qwest "customer service" in the morning.

One more time, Qwest: our phone works. You don't need to test it. Hit the little button on your computer that will fix this problem.